Four million people watch England game they don’t care about

The following is all lies. But, in the end, isn't that the real truth?

An average of 4.08 million fans who don’t care about international football tuned in to England’s friendly in Sweden last night, according to figures from the Broadcaster’s Audience Research Board.

ITV1’s coverage of the 1-1 draw in Stockholm, a game that also marked a 100th England appearance for popular dickhead Steven Gerrard, drew a peak audience of 4.32m fans who hate the international break, many of whom took to Twitter to express their lack of interest in the match.

“Why are we watching this again? #pointless #dontcare” tweeted one fan who probably wears a replica shirt with his name on the back.

Another shitmuncher, whose avatar bore the legend ‘Keep Calm and Sack Wenger’, wrote: “Fuck sake there was a #England game like two weeks ago. #Wilshire looking world class tho #Arsenal”.

The average of 4.08 million uninterested viewers represents a substantial increase on the previous friendly, a win over Italy seen by only 3.42 million people, all of whom had better things to do with their evening.

International friendlies, which take place on three evenings a year, are widely regarded as an intolerable distraction from the club game. Supporters’ rights groups have reported a record number of complaints from fans frustrated at the gap of almost a week between televised Premier League games. A hastily released leaflet from the FA lists ways in which fans can avoid international football. These include changing the channel, making a sandwich and doing literally anything other than watching football on three specified evenings each year.

Charlie Anderson

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