16 Conclusions from the Champions League Final

· 1) The archetypal Ryan Giggs performance. Again, an assist disguised the fact that his contribution is perennially overstated.

· 2) I’m not altogether sure that I’m interested in a world in which Edwin van der Sar is a former footballer.

· 3) That said, he screwed up for the first two goals. Particularly, the positioning on the first was uncharacteristically poor.

· 4) Rooney’s shitty Roy of the Rovers complex is one of the reasons he will never be a great player.

· 5) Park’s effectiveness as a defensive forward plummeted as the game wore on – in the first half he attempted five tackles and made three interceptions, in the second half that fell to one apiece.

· 6) Ferguson made a mistake in deploying acclaimed 2010 Cuban jazz animation Chico & Rita up front with Rooney.

· 7) Xavi and Messi will understandably take all the plaudits, but Ibrahim Afellay was the real star of the match with a 100% pass completion rate.

· 8) Dani Alves is descended from velociraptors.

· 9) Manchester United did that Football Manager thing where a CPU-controlled team scores their only shot on target against the vastly superior human-controlled team. A small victory.

· 10) Something about Cesc Fábregas.

· 11) For such a bad loser, Alex Ferguson was unusually magnanimous in the immediate aftermath.

· 12) It’s probably a little early to be making grand statements about this Barça side’s place in the pantheon. Like with Messi’s status among the greats, we need to wait until they’re history before we can put them in historical context.

· 13) A joke about Busquets.

· 14) Carrick was pretty good.

· 15) Valencia didn’t trouble Abidal nearly enough, but he did show himself to be all kinds of menacing badass.

· 16) Watching Nemanja Vidić cry was as heartbreaking as it was unexpected. Like watching liquid amber ooze from a granite cliff-face.